For some reason, I’m right on the verge of tears today. I’m not sure, I just can’t shake this “down” feeling today. Even though, I got the most beautiful email from a girl whom I love like a sister. She made my day and I’m hoping she’ll join me here in Tumblr world. But still, I’m kinda in a funk. It’s super dark and cloudy here today, and I’m wondering if that’s affecting my mood. All I want to do is raid the vending machine. But I won’t.
I wore the cutest boots yesterday and they responded to my adoration by taking a huge hunk of skin off my foot. So, in addition to being in a funk, I’m also slightly limping because it hurts like crazy. And I’m afraid it’s going to affect my Couch210K run tomorrow.
Ummm, what else? Oh, I started school this week. I changed my major. Again. It’s pretty dramatic this time. And for the first time in 10 years, I stepped foot into a classroom last night. I actually liked it and I’m very excited for what my future holds.
That’s my Friday randomness for now. Not my most exciting post ever, but I’m trying to make posting a habit again.
I’ve run a full marathon and one half. While I’m no where near an expert in running, I’m not exactly just getting up off the couch either. However, I am starting a Couch to 10K program in hopes that it will help me with my speed. My plan is to start the program running a pace that I can only do for 1 minute at a time. I’m on Day 2. I feel pretty awesome.
There is always this fear looming in the back of my mind.
What if I get hungry?
I should eat all this food, even though it could feed 3 people, because what if I get hungry later?
Yes, half a sandwich fills me up now, but what if get hungry later?
I should eat something, even though I’m not hungry, because what if I get hungry later?
The way I let this fear control me would lead you to believe that at some point in my life, I experienced a feast or famine situation. This is not the case. I can’t say for sure where this fear of hunger comes from, but it is definitely what drives me nearly every time I eat or don’t eat something.
For the past week and a half, I’ve been eating smaller meals throughout the day, and at the end of a small meal, The Question rears it’s ugly head: What if I get hungry later? Of course, if I get hungry, I eat a little something else. Of course, I’m not going to die. But still, I cannot get that burning fear to subside. It really makes absolutely no sense because I know that if I do get hungry later, I can eat something else.
But I find myself battling myself at restaurants. A ginormous bowl of pasta – finished. Why? I might get hungry later. It makes absolutely no sense. But it is a real fear. Stupid. Irrational. Dumb as hell. But very, very real.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve been here on Tumblr. I feel like such a loser posting that not only have I not lost any weight, but I’ve gained nearly 10 lbs. Since my last post, I’ve started my new job, started a new schedule with my kids, started training for a half marathon, and found that the little stresses in life cause me to EAT like a mofo. I finally got my shizz together last week, got back with my trainer, and lost 4lbs, but it feels so stupid to “lose” weight that you’ve already lost. Twice. I’m still 5 lbs heavier that I was when I started this job 3 months ago.
Half-marathon training is hard. Let’s face it - when you’re overweight, running is not easy. But I’m out there, I’m trying and that’s all I can do.
Best wishes to all. I hope everyone is living and loving life! :)
…like a shadow lurking around the corner, just waiting to pounce on a helpless victim.
That victim is me.
Tomorrow is my last day at a job I’ve been in for five years.
A month after I started this job, I got really, really sick. The people here came together in my most trying times, they helped me so much that the words “thank you” just don’t seem like enough. They celebrated the birth of my third son, and hugged me and comforted me last year when I faced one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to face. They cheered for me and encouraged me when I was training for my marathon. And they have said the nicest things to me as I make my way toward a new future.
I rocked that treadmill like it was my job! I did sprints today, which for me, usually entails a sprint, walk, sprint, walk, etc., but this morning it was sprint, slower sprint, run, jog, sprint, run, sprint, run, sprint, jog, etc. And it was HARD. But I finished it and pretty much felt like KING OF THE WORLD (yay Titanic!!).
I’m really pleased with the progress I’m making with my running. I’m not losing the weight I had hoped, but I can feel myself getting stronger, which is really important to me. It will make training for Nike a lot easier than training for LA last year.
Now, I eat. :)
I spent $70 or something like that back in January to register for the Warrior Dash because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and as soon as it was announced, I was ON IT. Today’s local Groupon is offering registration for half that price and now everyone one is crawling out the woodwork to do it. The town it’s going to be held at is teeny-tiny and I don’t think it can even handle the 10,000 people expected to show up.
NM has so little to offer than the minute something cool comes around, people come out in droves and you can’t even get near it. Like the new Chipotle in town? The line is always like a mile long.
I’m beginning to think that the Warrior Dash is going to be such a mad house, full of people who can’t even run a mile, that it might not even be worth the hassle.
Yes, I realize I sound like a complete asshole. I’m fine with that right now.
So, I got this new job and gasp! I have to dress like a professional. Wait, what? I am already a professional you say? Why yes, yes I am, however, my current job couldn’t give a flying leap what I wear as long as I look decent. So I don’t even have a pair of dress pants (the ones I wore to my interview were about 5 times too big). I wear jeans every day, even going as far as to wear a running jacket and running shoes on Tuesdays. This is one of many things I will miss about my job. When I went to pick up my official offer letter on Friday, my new boss told me that the dress was “business casual” and that what I wore to the interview was just fine. She did not know that what I wore to the interview was a HUGE deal for me, LOL.
So I get to go shopping. Which ordinarily would be terrific, but given that I haven’t lost a pound, it’s going to be quite depressing and really something I’m not looking forward to.